My oh my, I’m writing, again. Uh oh, she must be feeling melancholy. Well, I am a bit, but not to bad. Lots has happened since I wrote last. So much I actually have a hard time trying to remember all of it. There was St Paddy’s day, which rocked. That whole weekend is kind of a drunken blur. It was great! Then the “tragedy” that was the guy I was dating ended (thankfully) he just… wasn’t for me, to much drama and anger in his life. So, I actually met a new guy named Levi, like him a lot, but the he was in a car accident and was in ICU in St Louis for a couple of weeks, he’s out now and doing better, but I still haven’t been able to see him, I’m hoping to do so this week (maybe that’s my birthday wish?) Yes, I have a birthday coming up on Wednesday , which I always feel forgotten on my birthday, maybe not forgotten, but like I’m not really worth celebrating. I kind of feel like that at Christmas too. Maybe I’m to old to expect someone to be happy I’m alive, I don’t know. Rationally, I know that part of my problem is jealousy, I’m jealous of my sister, the baby, the sheltered, protected, spoiled kid. Don’t get me wrong, I fully helped in the spoiling, but, a lot of holidays, I kind of feel like my mom views me as something to be rushed past, not as something to be celebrated. Last year, she and I got together, and came up with adoption papers for my best friend (now sister), we got her pictures and a beautiful book to put them in. Beth got a puppy(!) for her last birthday and we went out to celebrate with dinner/drinks and karaoke, then came home and had cake. My last birthday, I got a fern. Yep. So, yeah, I feel like the red headed step child. Well, except, I’m blonde, and my sister is red headed. But you generally get my drift. I don’t need a Super sweet 16, I don’t need a range rover or diamonds. Just someone to sit and actually think, I bet she would really love this, this is SO Tiff. We’ll see.
So, yesterday…. 9 years since my dad died. (another reason my birthday sucks, we buried dad on my birthday) Some days it feels like it just happened, others it seems like it’s been so much longer. I still don’t know exactly how I feel about the whole thing. Most days, I feel like I’m over it completely, then either sadness or anger wells up out of no where and it leaves me shocked and breathless. I know it’s healthy to let go of old anger and bad things, but sometimes, you really just want to yell at them all over again.
Anyways, so I’m still collecting nail polish like crazy (very crazy if you ask Levi) but hey, I love it, and it’s fun for me. I’m sure there are a million other things I could write, but I just sprayed my keyboard with cleaner and the smell is gagging me, so, Here’s to a birthday they said I wouldn’t have.