Shame, guilt, and other bullshit.

I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot of stuff I don’t like lately. Slut shaming, body shaming, religious shaming, I’m just overall tired of it. I’ve been  a victim of shaming my whole life, and it’s never a good feeling. Now, I’m not a very outspoken advocate for much of anything. However, after hearing and seeing all of these things, and having felt the intense feelings that this behavior brings, I really just want to put my two cents in.

I’ll start off by saying, I do my best, everyday, to not judge people. I truly believe that I have absolutely NO business judging someone by what they do, who they are, what they believe. I’m strictly a mind my own damned business kind of person. I will add though, that if you are either an animal or child abuser, I’m not only judging you, I might actually be planning your death in my head.

I know that there are “traditional” morals and values that people feel compelled to go by, I understand that there have always been different standards for men and women. But I honestly figured that by the year 2014, with the female equality in the workplace, in public, everywhere really, there would be much less of today’s double standards from a moral perspective. In the past, men who “had” a lot of women, were considered awesome, manly, even lucky. Cheating on your wife wasn’t truly even looked down upon, but a wife…phew, don’t let her get caught A) having sex before marriage B) cheating on a husband or C) showing any form of sexual confidence or competence. Today, admittedly, women have slightly more say in their sexuality, and reproductive rights. BUT. Yes, that’s a big but, Women, who are archaically called “Promiscuous” are still considered sluts, whores, bitches, easy, loose, ect. MY only question is

WHY? WHY WHY WHY!?!?!?!

I am a 33 year old woman. I LOVE sex. I love it. I love everything about it. I love everything from making out to the primal, lust driven climaxes of both parties. To me, sex is a beautiful, fun, dirty, sweaty, messy adventure. I don’t believe it should only be done for procreation, I also don’t think there’s a damned thing wrong with women owning the fact that they love it. It’s a very disturbing behavior that people (including people I know personally) will talk down to people, make fun of them, call them names, just because they openly admit and go after what they want. If you like sex, whether you’re a man or woman, and you have sex a lot, whether with one person or several, as long as you’re safe about it (condoms, regular std testing, birth control, ect) then go for it. Own that shit. I don’t condone cheating on a partner, so don’t take it that way. I do however think there are ALL kinds of relationships. I also believe in the importance of being extremely up front with whomever your with about the things that make you happy and unhappy. If you, like me, can’t foresee being with one person in a marriage, then don’t do it.

It angers me so much when people judge other people, and begs the question, is it hurting you? No? Then what business is it of yours?!?! I especially dislike the two main types of judgmental people, the hypocrites, and the ones who’ve never experienced anything, but feel they have the right to judge anyway. So, from now on, before you judge anyone on how they live their lives, maybe you should stop, take a breath, ask yourself if they’re hurting you, or if their lifestyle effects yours in ANY way. No? Then take off you’re judging robes and go live your own life.

Judging is just another form of bullying, and with all of the programs, awareness campaigns, I would think that most of them would at least touch on this subject, but it seems to be some type of taboo subject, something that women, are supposed to feel guilty about, something to hide. We, as women, aren’t supposed to say “Hey, I want to get laid, so, I’m going to hook up with a guy and get laid” These are not things “good people” say. Well, I’m a good person, and I’ll say it. Guilt is for people who don’t want to be happy, for people who need to control other people, and it’s bullshit. Complete and total bullshit.

This turned out to be a much longer post than I figured, so I think I’m going to break it up into smaller parts, next, I’m going to put my two cents in on body shaming.

Much Love,

Tiffannie

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